=D

mmmh. at last.
a great load off my mind.
but its a little fucked up.
no regrets wadsoever.
if its any weirder.
trick or treat.
happy halloween sluts.

being a Sin' Dorei

haha. being in a top jc indeed has its perks. of date ive received abt 6 invitations to attend several scholarships talks. these ppl are indeed more concerned abt my future than i am. just got a letter from navy today .damn impressed by it. attached was a replica of a cathay movie tix with the movie entitled: the life of brandon. even the seat number was included.
ha. oh. this part is hilarious. after telling me the prospects of joining navy and the benefits i'd be enjoying if i embark on becoming a navy officer, they wrote: it's no coincidence that we're writing specifically to you. you've excelled academically and gained recognition from your teachers and peers... lmao. failing three subs during my prelims = excelling? lol. anw many thanks to navy. but i dun tink i enjoy being stuck 24/7 at sea juz like my dad. boring mann. where's the fun? mayb u can fool ard with the anchor but other than that, friendly portcalls? military exercises? zzz.

and ive changed my mind on becoming a mage.
i wanna be a Sin'Dorei.



they're blood elves with pale
skin, golden hair. aint she striking. haha. oh. im talkin' the new expansion from the World of Warcarft. its called burning crusade.







haha. like how kenneth puts it. we're gonna get paid for playing WoW. i mean we would receive ard 350 bucks every month after we enter NS nxt yr. more than enuff to pay for the 60 day game-card which cost $50. =) okie gonna go and try to understand how the bldy loop of henle works. nite.

a deadly sin.

i cldnt resist the urge to engage in a horrendous battle between the scourge and the sentinels. damn. bldy zion. anw. it was a fun 4 games. tink im gonna dc my comp soon. haha. went to sch for gp consultation today. let me share with u my comments for my gp mock essay. was so encouraging. =D

"brandon, you have 'arrived'. The prelims wasnt a fluke. While an awareness of the effects of terrorism on privacy would have given yr essay greater currency, the points that u have raised were valid and well-argued. Nice weaving of alt views while preserving a personal voice. Well done. You have indeed come a long way from yr pseudo D7. my best wishes for your As."
ChewHe.

haha i got a 30 for that essay. mayb he's too leninent. yea. my friend got 50 for his essay on the unsportingness of sports these days. yupp. its a full marks. like wad rai and bah quotes. disgusting. haha. yaojun is a crazy ass indeed. i rmb he scored full marks for SAT during yr 1 too. u wun know wads on his mind. he's weird at times. lol.

oh i found some lovely pictures on kahlen.









this is just chio.














the essence of innocence and perfection.















wrath.
one of the 7 deadly sins.
















covergirl.

















ironically.
a slut.

tears of heaven.

its been raining for 3 consecutive days alr.
how romantic.
haha.

morning - mcqs (bio, econs, chem)
afternoon - core (bio, chem)
night - essays (econs) maths.

kahlen.

damn. my girl lost. naima won instead. i guess she' aint too good at catwalks. but she's has such a sweet & flawless face. and a nice figure. and legs. yupp. a typical blue-eye blonde. haha. trust me. she'd make it big. just wait and see.

if i do get my 4 As for my A lvls. it would be all my efforts. none from the fucking teachers. except of cuz mr. chew. he's fabulous. shall only thank my ct for her constant encouragement. i didnt learn much from the rest. esp for my econs. okae. it might be my fault for nt listening during lectures at times. but i can say i mastered macroeconomics on my own with help from my frends of cuz. i didnt learn hw to do a case study. Drq is rather simple. essays? lol. we did it in class once and it took him one year to mark it. if i rmb correctly, it was the mkt failure essay which we did last yr. we only received it in july this year. it might nt be his fault for his monotonous voice. but he would come to class with no objectives in mind. he'd stray off and talk abt smthg else. or even dismiss us after 5 mins of lessontime. his reason would be giving us more time to conduct self-study or dat we didnt do our tutorials, thus it'd be useless for him to go thru anw. now i have to improve on my mcqs and case studys. my A will then come easily.

lets see. for chem. my teacher is friking biased against me. he doesnt care about whether i pass or fail for chem. hm. sometimes i feel i doesnt exist in his eyes. like after the mock practice paper 5, he approached alvin and asked him how was the test, the date of his enlistment, etc. i was beside him and i dun even get any acknowlegement. i stood there like a dumb fool. only managing a weak smile when he glanced at me once. i went for the remedial prog organised by him. nic was sitting on my right. he was doing his rounds asking whether we needed any help or nt? we were embarking on a thermochem Q then. he went towards nic and ask him if he cld do tt Q. and subsequently checked his work. nt even glancing at my work, he went to the table on my left. dat was the last time i wasted my time in gg for chem R. hai. lucky i had help from peirui, my ex-schmate. he's a genius, whom i always approach for if i had any problems in chem/bio. therfore, i tink im confident of pulling an A for chem.

oh maths. Mrs koh. haha. in this short span of 6 months dat she taught us. ive learnt much more than my 4 years of maths in sec sch. maths have certainly become easier. i certainly believe i can get an A for maths.

bio. madam. ure just nt suited for teaching. seriously. but im thankful u didnt give up on me. i wun disappoint u. im just afraid for the few concepts tt im weak in for bio core. but i tink i can managed by myself. thanks.

gp. consistency counts. i will look u up sir, for one last time. after tt we chiong world of warcraft alr. haha. after As i mean.

AAAA.AC.
-cross fingers.

mathematical love.

how will you measure love when it comes to town?
you might like to weigh it up with coffee spoons, drinking each mouthful like water, like medicine, a spoonful of sugar.
you might like to sit in a corner and mark the daylight that streams in through the window, mark how the sun moves across his face, his eyes.
love is not a victory march.
you cannot measure it by the number of flags won,
you cannot measure it by the number of hearts lost.
it cannot be measured by the decibels of sound,
the number of chess moves made,
the number of times peace has been made.
love is not a war.
it cannot be fought or won or lost.
love is not a science experiment:
there can be no trial runs and its hypotheses can never be tested.
love is not a graph you can extrapolate forever from.
love is not a maths question.
there are neither correct nor wrong answers and it cannot be solved in three steps. there is no way to prove it
and you cannot verify that one person will always satisfy the equation.
there is no equation when 1 + 1 never equals 2.

but love is a great mathematician.
love marks the area of a boy walking down clarke quay with you;
the volume of his love is the amount of space he takes up.
love is in the length of his fingers and the number of seconds his eyes take to trail down your legs.
love knows the number of heartbeats you take when he walks past,
love watches as your brain slows down and the rest of you goes into overdrive. love alone knows the length of the shadow he casts on your face while you sleep, love sees the width of that chasm that separates you from him.
love remembers the number of steps you take away from him,
and love knows that when one person is between two others,
the hypotenuse of the triangle must always be root2 and hence an impossibility. love knows that the shortest distance from one person to another is not always a straight line,
and that some people walk in circles only to find they have never moved from the same spot.
and love knows that if you try to differentiate one from the other -- there is no way you can integrate them back.

haha. im nt as philisophical as zhenyi. all that belongs to her.

Run.

Are these times contagious
I've never been this bored before
Is this the prize I've waited for
Now with the hours passing
There's nothing left here to insure
I long to find a messenger
Have I got a long way to run( 2 x)
Yeah...I run
Is this a cure among us
From this processed sanity
I weaken with each voice that sings
In this world of purchase
I'm going to buy back memories
To awaken some old qualities
Have I got a long way to run(3x)
Yeah...I run.

bio. chem. econs.

cant believe im actualy wearing a jacket at home. cant believe im feeling cold. i was even shivering on the way home in the bus. hm. i dun feel sick. no flu bugs nor coughs. fever? nah im perfectly well. i guess its just another cold & rainy day today. was in sch for like 8 hrs today. went for all 3 remedials today. finally i knew how to answer a case study Q properly. organic chem seems simple now. bio is basically made up of recall type topics. havent really got down to memorising anythg yet. haha. i belong to the 1 A level pass category like wad mrs foo said. but im within the top 80% for everythg. meaning that i'd be able to secure a B at least. ha. she's indeed the 'thr's hope teacher'.

ppl can be so bitchy. i mean when they see a guy and a girl together. tongues would start to wag. cant they be really good friends? why is the mindset of the society so rigid. if u see two guys or 2 girls alone together? does it mean they are homosexuals? i realy dun understand. they are making things even more complicated. also, ppl might get the wrong idea. haha. but anw when i see my friends alone with a girl, i'd also bitch ard and tease him. i guess. its human nature afterall. mayb im a bastard too.
ha. i love the rain but nt the destruction it brings along with it. im glad to be living in s'pore now and nt the US. mayb i shall read up on some macroecons. but first. some tv.

21D

nah. its nt my bra size.
21 days more to the start of the As.
and i still dun feel the stress surging.
hmm.

hm. 7 jan.

ha. 1st thing dat greets me when i returned home yest was my enlistment letter. im supposed to report to tekong on 7 Jan. for my 9 weeks of BMT. cool. i'd be out before the A level results. haha. several of my friends too are also enlisting on the same day. i guess we'd all be seeing each other again. no doubt. seems so sudden dat i'd be serving the nation in 3 months.

yesterday marks the end of our first 12 yrs of education in singapore. i would indeed miss my classmates a lot. s22 was made up of a fun and enthusiastic bunch of students. who made me enjoy my 2 yrs of stay here. the guys were great. i'd nvr forget the times where we skipped tutorials, lectures. the days whr we sneaked out of sch to get to nic's hse. those fun times we had foolin ard with the teachers. the couple of sentosa outings. the occassional fri lan sessions. etc. furthermore ive made many close friends here in VJ. esp yep. how i wish we could spent another one more year together. oh how could i forget Mr Chew. he's like part of s22. like wad yj said. if he werent a teacher, he would have never met one. his lessons were the only enjoyable ones. i guess among all the teachers we have. we only respect him. we'd miss him dearly.

farewell assembly was rather hilarious with quirky skits and crazy ppl who just couldnt sing on stage. lol. this guy beside me was sucking helium from the balloons and then for the 1st few seconds. his voice totally change. it was weird. anw it all ended with ice-creams and the taking of pics. just like that. hai it isnt the last i'd steppin into sch anw. remedials and mock exams would still be on for the nxt 3 weeks. and aft dat the dreadful As.

lunch was short at bk b4 the 8 of us congregated at Asteroids. haha. for the last time on a friday afternoon. we engaged ourselves in a battle of wits and glory. i emerge victorious only once. haha. but i enjoyed the many fun times we had at the lan shops. and of the thrill in playing together. the bunch of us really bonded well.
i guess i can waste no time in coming online. time's running out and i gotta redeem myself. see u guys real soon mann.

got none

When I was a little boy I used to wonder
Just how old you'd have to be to feel good
Now I've seen a thousand girls but I still wonder
Cause they just don't make sense to me
God knows I've tried

I've tried to be the unpredictable one
I've tried to be the friend that they could rely on
I've still got none
Got nothing at all
And so I fall into the open
Just singing out your name
And when I'm done, crashed and maimed
I hope that's where you'll find me

You know that if it's up to me I'll still be holding
My own hand the day I die
So please release me now

I've tried to be the mean mysterious one
I've tried to be the sweetest candy you'd suck on
I've still got none
Got nothing at all
And so I fall into the open
Just singing out your name
And when I'm done, crashed and maimed
I hope that's where you'll find me

And it's a good day for being found
Just crawling in the dirt with my head underground
And it's a good day for you to come
Collecting all the pieces of the damage done

And after all the bandages are gone
I hope you'll find a favorite part you can work on
Cause I've got none
Got nothing at all
And so I fall into the open
Just singing out your name
And when I'm done, crashed and maimed
I hope that's where you'll find me

self-proclaimed kiddo.

self-proclaimed kiddo.

turning on the comp. the first thing i wakeup has always been the morning routine of mine ever since my dad got me a personal one on my table. haha. but nt after i had warcraft uninstalled from it. ya. besides turning on my fone & flippin thru 'life' for the daily gossips, i always have to make the bed. cuz im usually the last to break out of my dreams. breakfast for me is rare. i normally get up to the naggy shouts of my mum for lunch. dats when i began to show signs of movement by walkin ard in circles before affording a couple of yawns and stretches.

i'd nvr miss the daily headlines after my bath and lunch. checking my dls and for the latest updates of dota used to be my priority. now i plan the day's agenda. wad i need to complete by the end of the day. i'd be satisfied if i complete more than 50% of the day's assignments. as the clock ticks towards 5, i start to give occassional glances to my computer. until the usual humming sound of my cpu eases my ears. i dun know about u guys but my status for msn has always been appearing offline. unless thr's some1 i want to talk to or dat ive allowed myself to be disturbed. hehh. going online is always boring unless there's the relief of quirky news and funny annecdotes. my links normally consist of my friends' blogs, news sites, reality tv shows, and dota. haha.

ever heard of neopets? the craze dat struck most of us during our secondary sch days. i rmb being hooked onto it during sec2. the thrills of getting rich and owning powerful cute pets with god-like items. i didnt get my broadband connection until secondary 4. before that, i used to patronise lanshops which offer smooth and seamless connection to the web. neopets is like a mmorpg except for the rpg portion. it aint 3-D but its free. ya there's updates everyday and yr skills in playing those flash games (for $$) aint gonna get u rich fast. luck is an extremely impt element which u need lots of. there are goodies to get everyday by visiting the differents realms. ha. my craze sort of died down when i reached sec 4. maybe cuz its kinda embarrassing to let ppl know u play the game. everyone knows its meant for kids. and i realised i aint one anymore. time for more gory and violent games..

ha. yea. i visited my np account recently and found dat it has indeed changed a lot. but the whole concept of the game havent really changed. just dat thr's so many things u can do as compared to before. but all those flash games and goodies dun appeal to me now anymore. but i really love to play the stockmarket. it is so similar to the outside world. and yupp, fluctuations in the various stock prices are due to the demands and supplies of the stock. cool eh. there is also a cap on the amount of stocks u can buy on a certain day. one more thing. u can only purchase stocks dat are traded at above 15 dollars. i guess to prevent ppl from stocking on those low prices ones. oh ya. i found out tt the stocks i bought 4 yrs ago has risen by 800%. so im quite rich now. a millionaire in an online world indeed.

now back to reality and my macro-economics.

continuation...

continuation...

ha. just spent my morning watching season 3 of the oc. it seems tt no matter how screwed up their lifes are, (like getting expelled from sch, divorced parents, bankrupt mum) optimism and determination are wad drives them forward.. well. i shld too. ha. and yea just cant get enough of friends eh. i shld draw the line between truth and lies. damn me.

ike, epically tragic. an end-of-the-world, locusts and horned beasts bummer.

like, epically tragic. an end-of-the-world, locusts and horned beasts bummer.

haha. i knew i wun do very well for my prelims indeed. last minute work aint gonna help a lot. although i did better than the block tests. im still in the less than 45 region. well ive blogged about my life after this para. since sec 3. the whole course of 4 yrs. and how it have appeared to have changed. but well i guess smthg happened during the refreshing and dat portion got deleted. argh. im just unlucky. shrugs.

ive blamed the teachers for nt doing a goodjob.
ive blamed Dota for being my substitute for restlessness, boredom.
ive blamed my parents for the nagging and the restrictions they implemented.
ive blamed the sch for giving us only 2 wks for the study break before the
prelims.
everything was at fault except me. i was selfish. even in online games. ive flamed ppl and called them noobs, i ran away at the slightest sign of trouble nt even offering help. im always there to get a kill or is the first to steal leavers items. and when i die, im first to point the blame at others. when i know im losing, i press alt QQ. its only now ive come to realised dat ive no sportmanship and irritating. ppl get frustated when they teamed up with me or against me. but luckily i was behind a screenname all this while. poor moussie. im so gonna change all this.

now dat this distraction is eliminated thanks to my friend who agreed to confiscate my cd, its time to work hard for the remaining one month. enough of senseless rantings. nil sine labore.

Zzzz..

Zzzz.

somehow when i get home. all the motivation to become hard-working and to mug is all lost. i alr shift the comp off my table. cant be the distractions. hmss. my mind's all messed up. i dun know where to start. sch have been giving me problems too. fuck the evaluation forms. screw the cip hrs. useless educators. i know i have to be blamed for the downfall of my prelims. but i guess it would serve me good to have much better teachers. those whom really know their stuff. and too know how to motivate students. nt come to class and start to dabble on useless topics nt related to any subjects. or to joke and fool ard with students. cant really stand teachers who give up on their students. or to walk out of the class even though the class didnt do their tutorials. they all only have a single purpose. just to take their paycheck at the end of the month. passion for teaching? fuck off la. Mr chew called me today to ask me to turn up for sch tmr. to see my CT. i hate disobeying him but i guess home is the best place to be on a friday morning. sorry dude.

managed to sort out my stuff and started to do abit of maths when the indians at the nearby temple started chanting. ever since 8p.m. this is so fucked up. i live at least 300m away. but i can still hear the repeated chants loud and clear. argh.

on a lighter note. its yunqi bdae today. haha. rejoice my friend. a bitch goddess indeed. =)

...

...

it was all just a dream.
unspoken truths.
unfufilled wishes.
my hopes are way too high.
now ive to bear with the disappointment dat follows.
i can nvr know the reason to it all.
although i once again asked myself why.
the only way out is
to be a demon.

the facade behind moussie.

the facade behind moussie.

the gods ive prayed.
the topics ive spotted.
wad ive achieved is a mere disaster.
i aint wanna talk about my results or anythg else.
the sonner i have to face up to reality, the better for me.
empty promises exit my mouth
unwanted tauntings enter my ears
all i wanna do now is to focus.
without my comp and the tv.
wad i lack now is motivation
and the passion/drive/urge to succeed.
the sonner im awaken
the better its gonna be.
but there isnt much time left
for the end is coming near.
i hope my dad will destroy the computer.
a 512 unlimited broadband connection.
i aint using it for blackboard or research.
10 hours online everyday.
for 8 hours of d-o-t-a,
plus 2 hours of minesweeping.
Saturdays and sundays
are for revision and chilling.
but all i ever do is dota the two days.
i know mugging isnt my cup of tea.
and uninstalling FT is just a formality.
but owning noobs is my specialty.
only maths is a B,
my best is yet to be.
u may wonder wad the fuck im actually doing
but its the best i tink ive put in.
lying and bragging is wad i do.
but i know in the end im just a fool.
yea 2 days before the prelims.
im still nt in the least worried.
cos' i indeed got my lovely 8 points.
from a last minute work for my Os.
but last minute work in the A lvls.
A F.OFF is all im gonna see.
blame it on dota.
blame it on my laziness.
dun u tink its so fucking lame.
a shamen on bnet.
a student in vj.
i just aint fit to be my parents' son.
50 dollars a week.
20 dollars to lan.
how am i gonna be rich before im 20.
sigh. shrugs. and a middle finger.
a jerk, bastard, and an asshole.
sue me pls.
so i can go to jail.
for all the nonsense ive rant so far.
counting down to the remaining days.
pls dun tell me wad to do.
although im 18,
i occassionally find myself acting like a kid.
gawd, just let me rest in peace this once.